An Honest Review – Nappily Ever After

As a Black woman this movie highlighted a lot of note. I would firstly like to commend Netflix on the diverse range of programs they offer. I truly feel like the internet is now becoming a space where people can easily see themselves. You can probably find a whole lot of other things as well if you look hard enough. Back to the point though. Nappily Ever After.

In summary, this film is about a Black African American woman with the stereotype perfect life. She works at a marketing agency, has the perfect boyfriends and steamily perfect life. All she is missing is the ring. She heads to a hair salon to get her hair done and instead of conditioner a relaxer is used. She loses a chuck of hair and requires a weave to correct the mistake. She doesn’t get proposed to but instead get a dog. He states that she was too perfect and he couldn’t  marry her. She end up having a break down and shaving all her hair off in a fit of alcohol fueled rage.  She’s then end up failing in love with the hairdresser who first messed up her hair because he embraced her natural beauty.

A very simple and overused plot line but entertaining none the less. This film explored a lot of issues within the black community. Marriage, mother daughter relationships, hair and colourism but I’ll keep it short. The biggest issue I found was the leading female need for male validation. She felt that she as incomplete until a man was connect to here. Even at the point she decided to reclaim her identity she seemed to lose it again once she got involved with the other dude.  There is a power that comes with knowing yourself and being confident in your skins. This can be attractive to many people even those who don’t have the confidence and will use you to be connected to that energy. Not everything that is good is good for you. As humans we need to be more attentive to who we are allowing into our spheres. We should always strive to love people but we must first love ourselves. The End

Chiku

 

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A Very Proud Girlfriend

I am the girlfriend to a very strange male. He is funny, caring, attentive, emotionally available and present in conversation. A difficult thing to find in the modern dating climate. However, we strive for self development. We have been challenging ourselves to seek out into and do things that scare and challenge us. Mine as I discussed previously was the need to form and develop more authentic relationships. His area though to work on public speaking and speaking in general.

Public speaking can be very daunting to even the most seasoned speakers. Increased heart rate and a dry mouth are all symptoms of this daunting tasks. Sam (not is real name) speaks beautiful English and it flows so elegantly. However, when this come to a group of people he tends to hit a few flat notes. We attended a small group which for those who don’t know is a bible study for people in our church. About 10 of us meet in a local café and eat food, discuss life and read the bible together. The past few weeks have been a weird balancing of connect and practicality. He would get the flow and the plan right but struggle with gauging the room. He would be focused on creating amazing notes and be distracted from the actual conversation. It a very difficult mix between being receptive to the conversation and guiding it. I always make a conscious effort not to get to involved because this is his thing. His project that he is able to grow and nurture. Even though we are dating I am very aware that there are some things that he is wants and should do independently.

I say all that to say, that yesterday was amazing. This session flowed well and I saw a new lease of confidence when he spoke. Because he just wasn’t prepared but he was so prepared that it could be inform. Even though he battles with social anxiety is not some that control him. He control it. Some days are better than other but he is moving forward. I am very proud to be his girlfriends because his life is a testament to what God and self determination can do in a situation. He still weird though

Peace and Love

Chiku

To Be Young Gifted And Black

Finding a placement was my greatest achievement last year. The general pattern goes find a placement, they like you enough to offer you a graduate scheme. You work your way up the ladder and become rich. I wish this was true in my case. I feel as though I stumbled at the first hurdle of my great ascent to glory. Nina Simone sang to a group of students who where the minority of the minatory at their university. Their presence at this university was challenged everyday but students and staff alike. The role of a pioneer is a noble one but I believe that nobody ever what this role. You face pure hatred in the face and must take the higher ground. The majority die for the rest of us live the lives we have now. Malcom X, Martin Luther King, Nina Simone just to name a few. Dedicated their lives to the empowerment and advancement of black people living in the western world. They championed education, small business, leadership and activism. That we can’t merely chant and march for change but we must be the change.  The society we exist in wasn’t design for us to succeed. It was created on a foundation of nepotism and power. You stay in your place and to the roles that were created for you.

The majority for institution still adhere to this way of thinking. Some don’t not do it actively but they still participate passively. Creating tick box exercises when it come to recruitment to fulfill the quote for diversity. What i’m saying is that it is difficult to be young gifted and black. We have been raised with an win at all cost mind set. When we enter a room and see another BAME candidate we immediately view them competition because there could only be so many roles for us unlike our counterparts. After tackling through the various battles otherwise referred to as the recruitment process. You sit at your desk on your first to and ask. How did I get to this point in my life? Am I now another cog in the rat race of life. Spending 1 hour communicating and 8 hours in front of a computer screen. There must be more. There has to be more.

How does this connect to my placement I hear you ask. I think a component of being young, gifted and black is accept that even when you try your best. Sometimes it just doesn’t work. Which is very frustrating when you have worked twice as hard. I’ve had a few struggle tears. Not due to sadness but frustration. I can guess is character building. My dad sent me some wise words ‘Maybe every time you feel like that, remind yourself how you got the job. Maybe that will put everything in perspective. Remember how many applications you sent before you got this job. This is just placement, most students will end up doing a completely different job from their placement. So, sister learn to be thankful and count your blessings’. It wasn’t the encouragement on the back I required but it was the truth. I need to rejoice in the Lord and be thankful in all things. As I am Young, Gifted and Black.

Love people, Love life, Always

Chiku

Reflection

Location: Home Home

The year 2018 is now over. This is the point where we start to reflect on our failures and achievements. Overall this year has taught me perspective. I learnt that God is always in control. Even in the time of uncertainty.

New Years

January wasn’t great but it never is for a student. I spent my days locked in the library cramming in formulas and essays. Continuously questioning how I got to this point in my life. I once prayed to be in this position. The exams came and went.  I’ve never been the smartest but I’d say I’man all-rounder. I won’t get an A* but I can talk so well that you believe that I have. Second year also means that it’s time to apply for placements. This was my first experience with unadulterated efficient rejection. I had been applying since September and in return received 35 rejections at this point. They all read the same. ‘Thank you for your application but on the occasion, you have been unsuccessful’.

Firstly, they need us to stop saying thank you. This application took 2+  day to complete. This includes a personalised cover letter, psychometric test, numerical test, BMI, blood type and my little toe. I didn’t want a thank you, I want payment for my time. However, near the end of the month, I was accepted by the 40th application. This whole experience has taught me that ishh happens all the time. The constant rejection affected me mentally and it stretched my capacity. ‘GROWING PAINS’ are real and they hurt. But they are required to develop.

Within my sphere of life, everyone seems to have experienced relationship heavily year. Whether that be friendship or romance. I had the opportunity to discover what I expect from others and myself. I went on a few dates and decided they weren’t for me for various reasons. They all seemed to want to change me to suit their lifestyle or adapt their character. I like to keep my energy consistent. I choose not to dilute myself to suit the palate of someone else. In regards to friendship, I can now confidently say I have a few rides or dies. But I wanted to challenge myself to speak to new people as a form of self-development. So I invited a few people out for coffee. Some were very awkward but overall I enjoyed the experience. I am now a fully certified social butterfly. People bring perspective. Everyone has a story. Why don’t you ask and find out what it is?

Love people, Love life, Always

Chiku

Am I The Crazy Girlfriend?

Location: The Toon

So update for anyone who actually reads this. I now have a boyfriend and it’s not the guy I wrote about in the previous post. So Sam and I have been dating for a month and a half now. The first month was full of butterflies and giggling. I enjoyed the process of being wanted by someone. We’ve been friends for 6 months when we started dating and we knew each other quite well. But there are certain things you don’t realise until you are with the boy.

There are the standard issues including never putting the toilet seat down or eating all of your food. Which in this case is very true. But there are some things that are specific to him.

We don’t communicate well. I’m a big talker when it comes to this relationship. I want Sam to know the way I’m feeling if there is something he’s done wrong or I’ve done wrong. He doesn’t like to communicate because he feels as though I’m adding needless pressure to the relationship. He also very good at cutting me off if he feels that I’ve driven the point home too much.

He doesn’t like structure, rules or responsibility. Sam is the most chilled person you could ever meet. His whole life he’s been trying to be as carefree as possible. I’m very much the opposite. I like to know where I stand with him. That way I can protect myself. I can make the next step with all the knowledge I have. In his defence, he is very ambitious. He has a masters degree and even wants to get a PhD in the future.

I guess what I’m trying to say that he’s not making me feels secure. Throughout this relationship so far I have done everything I can to protect him and his masculinity in a variety of ways. He might have recognised it but I don’t see that. I sometimes don’t know how he feels, to be honest. He hates it when I read into his emotions. He feels like am analysing him.

I low key think he that he would have never asked me to be his girlfriend. He continuously would refer me to other people ‘as the girl he was dating’ but I feel that he never wanted to take that next step. I asked him if he wanted to be my boyfriend. He says sweet thing to me but it doesn’t feel enough. When he’s with me I feel good and secure but when we are apart and I have time to think and question his reasons. Is this a phase for him or is he in this for the long haul? Is this sustainable?

I know that I don’t want to end it with him. But I don’t think I can continue over thinking our relationship because it’s not good for me. So this is the point I’m at now. I’m missing him.

 

 

 

Summer Loving?

Location: London Town

so

Summer = Work. On June 30th I started my 6 hour journey down south to a summer camp. I’ve always worked with kids during the summer and this one felt no different to the others.

So when I arrived the place was a mess to be honest. The worst job I’ve ever had but it’s a life lesson. Every other job I have will be better. But back to the main point I arrived with 8 other staff member ready to have the best summer. So we start getting to know each other and talking and stuff. I look to my left I see a delicious looking man (Sam). A rugby player build and a smile that lights up the room.
giphy

But I didn’t talk to him. Not because I didn’t want to but he didn’t want to me. I know he didn’t want to talk to the fine specimen that is me. I tried to walk in his direction but not too much because begging isn’t cute. After 5 minutes of contemplation, I remembered that I am the ishhh and a chosen child of God. If he can’t see it that then that a ‘him’ problem. As you can clearly I’m an over-thinker.

Lets just fast forward to the good bit. The following day me and Sam start talking and he that’s with the stupid boy ishhh. His first comment to me was ‘ How you doing big head’. I know this game and I went along with it. He’s cute, what can I say. So he continues his flirty banter for the next week. It’s Sunday night 10:30 and we’ve just finished work and he kisses me.

giphy

I’m not going to lie I just let it happen. Did I like it? Yes, I guess so. In all honesty, I never allowed myself to explore relationships and more important commitment. The idea for being wanted by someone so deeply if scary and the idea of losing that after is even worse. But that’s all to be explored in the next post.

Peace and Love

Chiku

 

 

 

 

A very millennial love story?

Location: Kos, Greece

It was the height of summer which meant the start of tourism season. Six packs, beer bellies, yummy mummies and everything in between were descending on shores of this small island. After an eventful day roaming through the side streets of Kos on $5 bikes it was time to party. Unfortunately for me, my travelling companion wasn’t in the same mindset. So I just spent £400 to go to bed at 10pm?

hell noSo I did what every independent, free-spirited, carefree, I don’t need no man, me myself and I grown woman would do. I picked up my bag and went exploring. Before you start tutting at me, I have watched the latest taken movie so I am aware I could come home without a kidney. But I’m a bad-ass so I did it anyway and it didn’t get dark until 11pm. So I walked and walked and walked. Really it was about 10 minutes but that doesn’t sound very poetic. I finally ended up on ‘bar street’, the place to be for the party.

party

Honestly, I wish that was me but when I got there it was overwhelming say the least. The loud techno music (not my style), overly drunk patrons and persistent promotors. However, from a distance the situation was riveting. This is where I saw the budding romance between Amy and Jaspar.

Amy, 23ish, blonde hairdresser from the Netherlands. She had a bubbly personality and wore sprayed painted on white jeans and a matching white crop top. ‘Thick thighs attract the guy’ was definitely true in the scenarios.

Jasper, 24ish, a blonde baby-faced smooth criminal. He worked for his brother half the year and worked as a promoter for the other half. When I questioned the blonde Casanova about this actual job he chosen to avoid the question and instead elaborate on how much he detests the education system and the effect it’s had on him.

The role of the promoter is very simple. Fill the bar and make as much money as possible. All forms of attack are welcomed as long as the bar is full. Amy knew how to play this game. She had a way with words and can easily convince the intoxicated young partygoers. This form of attack clearly affected Jaspear as his leg twitched at 100 miles per hour and his eye darted around everywhere but on her.  He was jealous but Jaspear doesn’t get jealous, he gets even. So he reached into his own box of tricks and prepared himself for the group of 20s walking towards him. He was skilled in the art form known as chatting nonsense and the girls clearly feel for his charms. Amy was clearly affected and she wasn’t very sly about it either. This created a ping-pong effect of offence, jealousy and competition. Honestly, in the end, I couldn’t tell if they actually like each other or just enjoyed the reaction they got from the other party. The whole situation is, unfortunately, an example for relationships that many people are having.

I don’t think the blame is on just millennials solely as people in each generation bracket act like this. The climate for a human relationship had been fundamentally changed forever especially in the west. We have become a fast generation from instant messaging,  instant likes, fast food and so on. The choice to instantly hate without properly accessing the situation or getting to know the person. I think we need to become a more consciously generation of people who invest in the thing that we can’t buy with money. We need to love more and hurt more. We build so many walls and barriers to keep ourselves safe but from what? Rejection is only one step closer to the next opportunity. Trust me I’ve been rejected a lot. In the words of Rapper Dave ‘The pain is compulsory but suffering is optional’. We have the choice to continue to love even when were feel broken.

I guess my encouragement is to do everything with love. Make the decision from a place of love because you’ll always make the right one. Authenticity will always win over perfection.

Peace and Love,

Chiku